When your circumstances don’t match your expectations, you want to know how to change. Whether we are working to change our relationship with ourselves, with others, or even our careers – the fear of change can be the thing that stops us from making it.


The ego is your everyday personality. It’s the mortal aspect of your identity, and it’s the part of you that fears mortality. The ego is afraid of death more than anything.

Healing is transformation. Once you clear a block, or heal a wound your inner world will feel lighter. This is change.  Your ego knows what it feels like to be you, and this is comfortable territory. If you change, it dies.

To get on board with change, the ego needs a little pep talk. because stagnation is the real death. Think of it like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. The caterpillar is gone, but the butterfly is magnificent.


It’s a rare human who was taught how to feel their emotions in a healthy way. More often than not, we avoid, suppress, and distract. The memories we have hold the emotions of the moment as well. Sometimes we just don’t want to go back to the past because of how it felt, not knowing how to feel it.

clem-onojeghuo-l4gq2onaVCU-unsplashWe also carry the beliefs of past memories. We may have come to the conclusion “I’m not good enough” , “I don’t matter” , “Nothing ever works out.” Rather than going back and challenging that conclusion, we avoid the memory and never realize that there is no true evidence to support the claim. It feels true, so you avoid the past to protect yourself from the false beliefs.


This one can feel a bit unsavoury to recognize in the mirror. Secondary gains are the ways that we benefit from keeping a problem. Please do not hear any judgment. We all do this, and it’s innocent. However, to make a clear change it’s important to be very honest about how you benefit from keeping things as they are.

john-noonan-QM_LE41VJJ4-unsplashFor example, someone who suffers from panic attacks may also enjoy the emotional support from loved ones at the onset of an attack. This person may believe that they are unworthy of love, and hold on to the struggle because they believe it’s the only way of being loved.

There is real pain and fear behind secondary gains. The key to healing this is to be willing to become conscious of the pain, knowing that your soul is big enough to get through it.


It can be hard to let go. We create stories about rejection, not belonging, being disrespected, not being good enough. The ego has no wisdom, it has fear.  The fear of its own death motivates the ego to create or avoid thoughts, emotions, circumstances, people, and even healing. Inner work is a hero’s journey.

buzz-andersen-E4944K_4SvI-unsplashThe first step in that journey is to get clear. The ego is not a very good guide. The past can be healed. Connect with the vision you have of your life, and the source of that vision.

Remember that no matter what negative you think you know about yourself, there is always a more empowering meaning.

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